This is an accurate representation of how I am feeling. To exhausted to make it to work today I sit here on my couch contemplating how one becomes this tired..and then I read that list and am reminded. I particularly blame the weather in OH right now though. It went from a balmy 60° to mid 20°s and snowing in less than 36 hours. My body simply rejects this behavior by providing me with constant leg cramps that seemingly have no end plus an internal electric circuit that won’t turn off. That last one in all fairness might just be my normal health issues but it certainly adds some flair to the pregnancy induced ones.
Many days I try to push through and still function like the adult I know I should but then there are days like today where the mere act of getting out of bed to feed and take my dog out made me cry. So what do you do on days like that?
I wallow in a stew of self pity, slight despair, and acceptance. I also call my mom. Sometimes multiple times throughout the day because I’m codependent. Regardless it is a mastery of balance that allows me to embrace the shit days. Prior to being pregnant I have bad days where moving is painful so it’s not like this is entirely new for me. Chronic conditions are mentally draining and if we are being honest those inspirational memes and quotes meant to inspire us on our down days can really just be more bothersome. I firmly believe that some days you just have to accept that you CAN NOT do what you had intended to do, and that is ok. In the long run will I be on my death thinking about that day of work I missed when my legs kept cramping and it was snowing and my body felt like it was on fire and my eyes could barely stay open? No, no I will not because by then I will either have 1. forgotten or 2. just really really not give a shit.
Today is not a failure. It is an adaption. Instead of going to work I am reading educational books and watching labor videos on YouTube in preparing for out little one’s arrival. I am also cuddling with the dog on the couch and sitting in total quiet. It’s a perfect self care Wednesday…not the same ring as Sunday, but it’ll work for this week. On your down days incorporate what makes you feel good. My plans today consist of eating, drinking lots of water because I still feel dehydrated AF from steroid shots, going to our OB apt, taking a bath, cuddling the dog more, reading, and relaxing. I’ll also add in a sprinkle of hoping tomorrow will be a better day but I’m content in knowing I am doing what I should be doing today, which is taking care of me.